Thursday, April 17, 2008
Oh my, after a long winter I crept out into the garden. Here is what I witnessed; piles all around, piles of wood , piles of leaves and piles of Lucy presents. It needs a major overhaul which starts me feeling anxious and defeated before I even begin. I have a good sized space with many plantings, many of which need a makeover, but since we are planning an addition some of that is on hold until that is complete. Oh yeah, along side those piles, I saw daffodils, tulips and violets blooming, buds on the redbud tree and the viburnum and peony shoots that have seemingly grown a foot overnight! Why is it that my eye is inevitably drawn to the imperfections instead of the beauty? I focus on these shortcomings in my yard and home and especially in myself. Why am I conditioned to see the best in others but I don't give myself or my own family even a tiny break? I am often paralyzed by the tasks before me, feeling I may not do it right or I don't have enough time to finish. What if I give myself permission to be a work in progress along with everybody else? What if I give myself permission to be good enough? What if I say "could" instead of "should" all of the time? "I could clean up a corner of the yard." instead of "I should have this place cleaned up!" It opens up the possibilities rather than reprimanding me with the "should haves" I believe the words we choose in our inner dialog affect how we feel about ourselves and others.I want to see beauty in the imperfect world and imagine what can be, not what should have been.